Not so good...

I just feel like such a useless rag here. I can’t drive anywhere because of the double vision. I can’t walk because of the same. I am sick of looking at that darn scar on my neck that now looks really bad with the double vision. Some days I just don’t want to get out of bed. I go to sleep praying that when I wake up this bad dream will be all over with and I will be normal, but it never happens. I wake up all sick inside like I spent the night drinking away. I just don’t get it.

I get so confused. The doctor from NYC just called. Not only did I have to think hard on who he was but I could think about the doctor’s names that he was faxing my results to. I flipped through my book but came up empty. Finally I did get it. I feel so dumb they must think I am stoned or drunk. I slur my speech and am just clueless so often.

My mom and dad are coming over tomorrow for a visit. I am so happy about that. They are just coming for a visit not to sit with Anthony while I see a specialist or get a treatment. I am having to have her come also because I won an item on e-bay that I have to pick up. It has been over a week now and I told the seller the problem. She is a friend that I know through the theatre so she is very good, but I want to pay for it already. It is a Thomas Kincaid clock I got for Gregory for our anniversary. I got a super price on it so it is in budget and I have cash set aside for it. I squirreled the money little by little whenever I was given cash. Now all I have to do is get it.

My vision is still double but I am getting used to it so I can read again. I am on the steroids so hopefully I will see clearly again soon. I have to get set up for Friday. Anthony turns four ob Friday and he wants a Spiderman birthday. I want to make him a cake which will be hard with double vision. I would hate to buy one as I always make him one. I feel so useless. We also have to get his gift which we are sure will be Spiderman something.

On a happy note we all went to the movies on Saturday. I guess I got a bargain two for one with my double vision! We saw the chiwawa movie that Lara has been dying to see since she first saw the previews. It was a fun movie. The children had a great time and were happy to get out of the house after being cooped up all week.