This has just been one hell of a week. Nothing is going well for me right now. My mid drift is hurting more and more each day, and my nausea in the morning just isn’t going away. I never felt sick when pregnant so why I am getting now I just don’t know. Also the tension has caused my right eye’s lower lid to twitch something awful. I am sure I look like a total psycho with that now. My face is not as bad as it was. At least now it is not bleeding anymore, but it is still red. My hair has gone grey, as we just don’t have the money to dye it. Greg set up an appointment for me on Sunday, but I am not sure how we will pay for it. Not sure if it would help me anyway as I am still so fat. My mood is probably low also due to the weather. It is cold and rainy here in “the Garden State” good for the vegetation but not for the people. I am also upset about some graphics that I recently did. I did a group project and it just turned so nasty I really do not think I am ever going to do another group project. I mean it is not like I am getting paid for doing it and they acted like I was a servant to them. I wouldn’t take that from a boss let alone a volunteer thing. KWIM? They accused me of all kinds of nasty things that is just not me. At any rate it has left me with a sour feeling and so I just wont do it anymore.
Lara has been awful this week. Screaming all the time at all of us. She hates what ever we do. If we stay at home she complains, if we try to go out she complains too. Last night Greg wanted to go shopping but Lara wanted to do an art project. Greg let her do the art first. Well we finally got out at 8 PM! We rushed to get what he needed and some food before the stores and food closed. Well then she screamed, as she didn’t get to see the puppies in the pet store! She screamed as we left something awful. I am surprised DYFuS wasn’t called. Eating is an issue and she is loosing weight again. She can fit into size three pants but has the inseam of size seven! She also does not eat at school at all. We send her with lunch and a snack and all of it comes home intact. Next year the school is going to have an aid to stay with her all day at school to help her. I am praying this will show some improvement with her. Otherwise I fear she will have to go to a school for “special children”. I went through that and so know how not so special, special can be.
Anthony continues to be my saving grace here. He is now off the diapers in the day and only wears pull ups at night. Most mornings he is dry so I am thinking of ditching the pull ups at night. Lara on the other hand has a full pull up every morning. He is also now looking forward to going to school. I am keeping things a bit dull now so he can see how school would be something he would get to do that is different. He is so smart and so I think he is going to do great in school.
Greg has been better as of late and not as demanding as he can be. He does revert sometimes but he is trying and that is all I can ask.
Nothing exciting planned this weekend. The church down the road is having a fair in their parking lot on Sunday so we might pop by there for a few minutes but that is all. I just wish the rain would stop.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Not doing well...
We did have some fun at two Greek fairs. One last Saturday when Greg got off of work and one this post weekend. The one this past weekend had inflatable that the children loved. Anthony was a horror at church on Sunday. So he has no computer this week.
I am just not feeling well at all. I am not sure what is wrong with me. Whether it is the Sarcoidosis or something else. I wake up every morning now nauseous and in pain. I am tired all the time and even doing graphics is a struggle. I just finished a group blinkie that took a lot out of me. It had a lot of controversy to boot so it was in the end mostly bad. A few appreciate it and said so which was nice, but so many hate it because of the name, I am thinking of not doing another group blinkie as I probably would get this again. You just can’t get a group happy with one blinkie. There will always be a few that hate it and tell you so over and over again. I think one posts would have been plenty. KWIM?
Anyway my face is broken out something awful and money is tight so my hair is grey. My mother told me yesterday I need a makeover. I am also overweight so I need to get out and walk. I just can’t motivate myself to move at all. I am a mess.
I am just not feeling well at all. I am not sure what is wrong with me. Whether it is the Sarcoidosis or something else. I wake up every morning now nauseous and in pain. I am tired all the time and even doing graphics is a struggle. I just finished a group blinkie that took a lot out of me. It had a lot of controversy to boot so it was in the end mostly bad. A few appreciate it and said so which was nice, but so many hate it because of the name, I am thinking of not doing another group blinkie as I probably would get this again. You just can’t get a group happy with one blinkie. There will always be a few that hate it and tell you so over and over again. I think one posts would have been plenty. KWIM?
Anyway my face is broken out something awful and money is tight so my hair is grey. My mother told me yesterday I need a makeover. I am also overweight so I need to get out and walk. I just can’t motivate myself to move at all. I am a mess.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Ugh...
Lara is just not doing well at all. She has fits throughout the day and wets her pants a lot. This weekend she went through everything she has in long and short pants so today she wore Capri’s. Her solution is to buy more pants. She threw a fit today when she had to put on the Capri’s and would not go to her class room when we got to school. A teacher and the office manager had to help to get her to go in. All, of this because there is a bow at the top of the pants. You can’t even see it with her shirt on but she doesn’t care. She knows it is there. When she isn’t having a fit she goes into her own little world.
Anthony is still doing well but we had a scare with him this weekend. He didn’t get his way and threw a fit worthy of Lara. I fear that he is going to get to be like her. Lara was fairly OK until about four and a half. Then the bizarre habits and such started. Anthony is now that age and so I fear he is changing too. I just don’t know if I can handle two children having fits or staring off into space. I am horrible to write that but I just don’t know if I can manage that.
Greg was working this past weekend and so was a total pain to deal with he needs silence, as he has to talk on the phone with customers. The children just can’t do that so he is always bugging me to go out with them. Not that he would take the two alone, but I can. Double standards are just a b***h KWIM? We managed to go to a Greek festival after he got off work on Sunday. He took a long time to get ready though so we barely made it. By the time we were done eating everything was closing. The rides were running but they stopped selling tickets. Lara wanted to go on a swing ride that needed there tickets. I found two but no more. The operator refused to cut slack so she didn’t get to go on the swing. She left screaming and crying. Earlier someone gave Anthony a Spiderman inflatable so he was happy with that. We had told him that if we only found three tickets that Lara would go and he was OK with that.
I am just tired all the time. Lara’s behavior is unsettling and I just don’t know what to do fir her. I just don’t know how to help her. It gets to be too much sometimes and I feel I am loosing it so I take breaks. My health is not good so that certainly doesn’t help as I am in pain or nauseas or both. This cycle I spotted for a long time so I do not know what that is about. My face is also awful and I am very big. I just am not doing well at all. Heck even with my blinkies I am getting problems so I am wondering if I should continue or just drop that. I mean I get enough grief at home why sign on and get it in cyber world?
Anthony is still doing well but we had a scare with him this weekend. He didn’t get his way and threw a fit worthy of Lara. I fear that he is going to get to be like her. Lara was fairly OK until about four and a half. Then the bizarre habits and such started. Anthony is now that age and so I fear he is changing too. I just don’t know if I can handle two children having fits or staring off into space. I am horrible to write that but I just don’t know if I can manage that.
Greg was working this past weekend and so was a total pain to deal with he needs silence, as he has to talk on the phone with customers. The children just can’t do that so he is always bugging me to go out with them. Not that he would take the two alone, but I can. Double standards are just a b***h KWIM? We managed to go to a Greek festival after he got off work on Sunday. He took a long time to get ready though so we barely made it. By the time we were done eating everything was closing. The rides were running but they stopped selling tickets. Lara wanted to go on a swing ride that needed there tickets. I found two but no more. The operator refused to cut slack so she didn’t get to go on the swing. She left screaming and crying. Earlier someone gave Anthony a Spiderman inflatable so he was happy with that. We had told him that if we only found three tickets that Lara would go and he was OK with that.
I am just tired all the time. Lara’s behavior is unsettling and I just don’t know what to do fir her. I just don’t know how to help her. It gets to be too much sometimes and I feel I am loosing it so I take breaks. My health is not good so that certainly doesn’t help as I am in pain or nauseas or both. This cycle I spotted for a long time so I do not know what that is about. My face is also awful and I am very big. I just am not doing well at all. Heck even with my blinkies I am getting problems so I am wondering if I should continue or just drop that. I mean I get enough grief at home why sign on and get it in cyber world?
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