The new doctor...

Saw the new doctor. What a difference. He spent a lot of time with us and showed us the CAT scan I had and what they saw. He discussed other operation options and why they would not work for my case. So feeling very comfortable with him my biopsy is scheduled now for Monday. The biopsy that I am getting done is in my chest. They are making a 1” incision in the base of my throat to get to them. The lymph nodes that are located in between my lungs are the ones getting biopsied. When I had my CAT scan the showed up as degenerate and so they have to find out if they are cancer or not. My worry is that it is cancer. Tomorrow I will get my MRI as the appointment went over the time I was supposed to get the MRI today so we are using the backup appointment. So things are rolling with me.

Tomorrow Lara is also getting her EEG right before my MRI so we will all go to both except Anthony. He will stay at home with his Poppy. Right now I am just tired, again.

Appointments...

Today I have an appointment with the new doctor. I have to get my referral before that. I tried to get it yesterday but when I called my doctor the one that does referrals was out so I had to call today. After I have my MRI appointment. If I don’t make it in time I have a back up for tomorrow at 6 PM. Our friend that works at the hospital was able to set up a back up appointment. My parents are watching the children today. Tomorrow is Lara's last day of summer rec. The summer has gone by so fast and I feel I have ruined it with all of this. When Greg is tired he says so too. Anyway she is having a picnic with the group. After we have to take her for an EEG which is going to be hard. I remember as a child getting that and being really scared. I am glad that I will be able to be with her as we can do that and my MRI should I need it. Also I need to drive a co pay to a doctor and set up an appointment with a priest so we can join a parish so Lara can go to CCD class to get her first holly communion. So we are very busy here.

Second opinion...

We have cancelled the procedure for tomorrow. A friend of ours (a doctor) that is friends with a thoracic surgeon can give us a second opinion. He said he will not require any more payment than what our insurance will pay. He knows he is good and says that the one who we were scheduled with is known to have a bad bed side manor. So we are on hold now until we see the new doctor.

A new week.......

The birthday weekend went well. Although for a while the children were arguing a bit too much on my birthday so I kicked them all out of the house so I could shower in peace. We all went to Legal Seafood with my parents. We do that every year, and had a great time. I had a lobster roll as always. I also ordered a glass of chardonnay which caused quite the stir. I had a few sips and gave the rest to my mom. It was just nice to get a few sips on my birthday and it was so little that it didn’t do anything bad to me. My mom wants to go to lunch with me when I get better just the two of us. I am excited about that. Greg gave me the hard books of “Little House” that I have been reading as of late. The children also picked out some books for me. One was a touch and feel book on animals. All in all it was fun.

On Lara's birthday we went to see “Wally” at the movies. I thought it was lame and only had about thirty minutes of plot that they stretched to become a full length movie, but the children enjoyed it. Later on we went to a restaurant called “The Iron Horse” it is decorated with trains and Lara loves it. We went with my parents and Greg’s dad and sister. We had cake at home and opened gifts. Once again his sister basically ignored everything we suggested about not getting her and Lara literally cried when she opened some up. Maybe that will wake her up? She got her “Spin Art” which is paint that you drop on a canvas. Probably take about five minutes to destroy the living room. A jewelry making kit with small parts for Anthony to eat. We had said no small parts do to the recent penny problem but I guess she feels she knows best. Lara hates jewelry and cried when she opened that up. She also bought this white lacey fru fru top that Lara said she didn’t like. When I looked at her she said “but it is plain white” which is true but covered in lace with this lace flowing thing going down the middle. I just knew when I saw it that Lara would hate it. I just don’t understand her. I mean why do all this? She called and asked this year which I thought was great as she never did that before, but then she ignored what we said to her. She made Lara cry to boot so maybe now she gets it? She is so self centered sometimes I just want to cut her off entirely, but the children love her which is probably why Lara got hurt so much. I guess she thought that her aunt would know her better.

The biopsy is scheduled for tomorrow at 1 PM. My parents will sit here with the children. I am having second thoughts about this and am not sure I want to have an ugly scar on my throat for all to see.

It's my birthday...

Everything health wise is on hold until next week. I have to get an EKG for the biopsy and that will be Monday. Wednesday is the biopsy. I got a call from the gastrologist for an appointment this week on Tuesday. I never made an appointment so I am canceling. They just can’t pick a date and expect me to show up. Also since they found nothing to me it is a done deal. Why pay $35 to hear “we found nothing”? I really hate that place.

Today I am 45 years old. Six years ago on my birthday I was in labor with Lara. That was my best birthday ever. Greg decorated the house with lights and decorations last night. I woke up to the surprise. The children both wished me a happy birthday when I woke up so that was good and Greg had a pot of coffee made so that was good too.

Later on I will bake a cake with Lara. I will have to think what else to do that isn’t too strenuous. We will have cake with my parents tonight.

Birthdays coming soon...

I am getting more tired each day so it is hard to read and type. I can still do graphics though and when I do I can forget about my medical issues so it is a kind of therapy. My doctors appointment is today at 2:30. My mom and dad are coming over to watch the children while Greg and I go.

Greg has been great this past week and is taking care of both me and the children. He has really stepped up to the plate so to say.

I told Lara that I can’t make her cake and if she wanted a bakery one or ice cream. She said she wanted to bake a spice cake with me. She also said she wanted the syrup frosting. When I said maple she said yes. That is my favorite cake. Spice cake with maple frosting. She said it is now her favorite too. So tomorrow during the day I will bake one with her. She wants a “Speed racer” birthday and we got all the paper goods for that so I figure I can make a simple cake, put a race track on it and a couple of cars bought at Target. It should be simple to do and since she wants to do it with me will be a special mother daughter activity.

Tomorrow I turn 45, and Sunday Lara turns 6.

This week is out

Looks like no tests this week :(

This is just not good :(

A new week....

Well I called the doctor that was suggested for doing a biopsy of the lymph nodes and I can only see him on Friday as that is the only day he takes office visits! So I am trying to get another one. I want this over with already. Friday is too far away. Greg is at work setting things up.

On a side not our refrigerator is out so we have to get that fixed too.

This week is just bad.

TG for Percocet...

The Percocet seems to be working and so I am glad about that. I can take one every four hours so that is also good as the others gave in at four hours bit they were supposed to be taken every six hours so I would spend the last two in pain. I just want this to be over with as I am so tired. I am just sick of being sick. I am praying for a miracle. That they find something this week and remove it and bam I am OK. Wishful thinking but that is all I can do at this point.

Bad...

The Vicodin isn't working. I was up last night in pain. onto Percocet To seek relief.

Not good....

I saw the hematologist today. He recommends that I get the lymph node biopsied this week. I also should get another lower CAT and MRI for some nodes not looked at earlier. I worry this is cancer and I am leaving my children way too soon.

UGH!!!!!!!.......

Wednesday was my prep day for the colonoscopy. They decided that my taking the Alieve was no problem as long as I didn’t take anymore. I didn’t eat anything past 9 AM but that was not an issue as my appetite is not very good and for once I was not nagged when I didn’t eat. There is always a plus to everything and that was it for me. Anyway I had to drink this liquid that I mixed with 6 oz of water. I knew it would be awful so I chugged it. I then had two full glasses of water. To put it as delicately as possible the bathroom was my room for the remainder of the evening. The next day (Thursday) I had to get up at 3:30 and down another one. It was painful as I hadn’t taken my med but I thought if I took my pill first the liquid Plummer would flush it through me so I waited and hour for it to leave my stomach and took it at 4:35. I was supposed to stop all liquids at 4:30 but to heck with it. Anyway they knocked me out for the procedure. They had asked me when my last period was and I couldn’t remember! They wouldn’t do the procedure until I peed in a cup and they did a pregnancy rest on me! I said I was tested negative in the hospital the week before but that was no good. Then I remembered I am on like CD 3. Ugh my brain is gone. The nurse was mad at me for that. Anyway so I was knocked out cold for the procedure and woke up in the recovery room. I felt awful. Greg took me home. He wanted me to eat but I was so sleepy I couldn’t so I slept most of the day. The pain was awful last night and the pain pills aren’t working so well anymore. I think I need something else now. My hematologist appointment is today at three. My mom and dad will watch the children while Greg takes me there. The doctor that did the colonoscopy told me before I left tat they didn’t find anything. I am confused as years ago I was told I had colitis which has caused me a lot of pain and now he found nothing. Anyway so he says that my low iron is from my menstruating! Ugh again with the menstruating! I said that it didn’t account for my degenerated lymph nodes or pain and he had nothing to say to me after that.

I just want to get well. I just worry I won’t and will leave my children way too young with only their father.

Prep Day...

The colonoscopy may or may not happen depending on if I can take the pain meds. I just don’t know how I can go through very long without them. My hematologist is Friday and I am not really sure what he will do. Maybe draw more blood? Honestly at this point I feel like I am seeing medieval doctors with all this blood drawing going on. Every time I see someone new they take my blood.

Lara is having a great time in summer recreation program. Anthony is good too and his rash is clearing up. Greg is being a good boy today and went to work with little ado. I am on a clear liquid diet for the rest of today and tomorrow morning.

Slightly better now...

Got drugs from the doctor so at least the physical pain is gone.

Going down...

The Advil just isn't working anymore so I am going to the doctor to get some decent drugs.

On a really sad note my friend of twenty years passed away. She was in her 80's but I wasn't ready for this.

So now I am in physical and mental pain.

Not doing well...

They found high ESR levels in my blood which mean I have an immune issue. Lymes and West Nile have been ruled out. I also have enlarged lymph nodes in my chest. They did an upper lever CAT to find the later. I have possible pneumonia (a tinny bit) that showed up in an x-ray but not the CAT. No reason for the pain but now I am just taking Advil to just get rid of it. For now it works, but I woke up last night when I needed a new dose.

ER...

When I take pain medication when it comes back it comes back worse than before. Last night was the worse ever as I had taken an Advil in the day. I took another one last night which is starting to wear off. I am off to the ER.

I just feel so bad....

I can't remember when I wasn't sick. My memory is really bad. The low iron is just making me want to sleep all the time. I can't even think about going out let alone sing or try to have a baby. My body would either reject it or I would end up in the hospital. I have never felt this bad in my life. The only good news is that my recent bout with a low grade fever is over. Other than that it is all bad here.