This cycle is out...

Lara is going to a summer recreational program starting Monday. It will be half days every week day until August. I think it will be good for her to be more social with other children. I think the adult in charge is her kindergarten teacher. Greg and I keep on joking it is like Sponge Bob and Mrs. Puff in that Sponge Bob never leaves her class.

Anthony is OK but his nose is cloggy and he gets nose bleeds. I think he has allergies and so am thinking of taking him to the doctor Monday when Lara is in the summer recreational program. He is very big. When I signed Lara up I had the two of then and they wanted to know why he wasn’t getting singed up. The youngest accepted is 5 by June 30th and so he falls way short of that. They were amazed he was only three years old.

Greg is being better. I think he is worried about me and so has eased up some. He is outside mowing the lawn now and is on call later on. His sister’s birthday is Tuesday and so we have to get her a gift. He wanted to buy her cake as well. The same one he got for his birthday. He had requested a certain cake and so I got it for him. It was expensive though and so I put my foot down on that. With my brothers I get a budget. With his dad and sister money becomes no object. I simply will not do without so we can get her a fancy cake.

At least we fixed the plumbing and so have the kitchen sink back!!!
I am not feeling very well. I have the report from the blood tests and so see the EBV levels. The norm is 0-.9 for EBV. My first was 3.04 and my second was 2.86 so it is going slowly down. My Hematocrit (normal levels 35-45) went from 34.5 to 34.1. My Hemoglobin (normal levels 11.7 -15.5) went from 12 (in the normal range) to 11.2. My RBC (normal range 3.80-5.10) went from 4.03 to 3.94 still in range but dropping. All levels seem to be dropping. I am within normal range but towards the bottom of most. It is hard to get up as I am in pain from the moment I first start to wake up. I saw a gastrologist and he is baffled about the pain and the getting sick. He says they are two different things. I shouldn’t be getting sick with pain as low as mine is. He found no blood in his exam. He wanted me to get a colonoscopy but the first available date is July 30th! What is the point of that if I am bleeding anywhere? I think I am going to get that US that the OB/GYN wanted to see if there is bleeding there. I would just think if there was I would see blood coming out wouldn’t I? At any rate the dropping levels to my mom says internal bleeding. Not a big bleed but a bleed somewhere. Since she is a RN trained at John Hopkins I trust her in that call. OK so she is retired now but she was a licensed RN for the longest time.

I think I am going to skip this cycle, as I am not sure what my body would do if I did get a baby.

If anyone wants a new sparkle signature just let me know!

UGH!!!!

What can I say? Nothing is good here. Lara is at her last day of school. The school wants to keep her behind for social reasons as academically she is on target. We will wait for the evaluation by the neurologist in July to make the final decision. The school urged us to put her in a summer social situation and to get play dates. The one friend though I though I made for play dates snapped on me. Lara likes her three year old son. His older brother is in Lara’s class and tries to keep them apart to the point of now kicking Lara. The mom and dad have tried to stop this. On Friday he kicked Lara several times in front of me to a point I told him firmly “don’t kick her again”. His mother yelled at me that she was handling the situation and that Lara should stay away. So I guess that friend is gone. She can’t handle the boy and I can’t say anything even though my daughter is getting kicked. I didn’t even want to send her to school today. Fact is my daughter and I will never blend with normal people. We just don’t go with the flow. We are freaks. Maybe I should just home school and get a night job.

Anthony has yet to pass the penny and I am worried sick over that. I continue to search his poop for the penny. I talked with the doctor today. He had contacted a pediatric surgeon that said that he has seen pennies stay in this long with no problems. I am now given until Thursday to wait for him to pass the penny. If nothing by then he will get another x-ray to confirm it is in there and where it is, and a colonoscopy to get it out. I guess this is going to be one heck of a week.

Greg has been helping a little more but I think he is thinking I am faking not feeling well. Everything is broken here. The TV is broken and will take 350 to fix. So we are watching TV on my old 13”set. The DVD player stopped working after we put in a library DVD we are hoping we can clean it and it will work but as of today it is down. We have a broken car in the driveway now for over three years that Greg has yet to donate anywhere. Downstairs the circuits to the washer and dryer are out so we either need to fix it or hire and electrician to do it. For three years we have run extensions to another room to avoid the bill. You know the phrase “everything but the kitchen sink” well not here. The kitchen sink is broken too. How you might ask? Well not exactly the sink but the pipes under the sink. We have always had a slow drainage. Well yesterday Greg plunged it and now it doesn’t drain at all. So I sucked up the water with a wet vac and tried to suck up the clog as Draino failed. I got the water and some stuff bit not everything. So we opened the access in the basement and found a huge clog. So we got that with the wet vac. Still the water didn’t drain. So we took apart the pipes in the basement and found a lot of black gunk which I cleaned out. Our snake is broken (big surprise there!) And so could not get into the pipe past a bend so today we have to buy a new one. If we can get the clog out we will have to hire a plumber. I had to put a bag over the air pipe on the roof to ensure we don’t get flooded as we left the pipe open in the basement. Ugh everything is falling apart!

I am just tired all the time and struggle to keep up. I am getting aches and pains so I really want to know the results of my last blood test but nothing so far. My period hit me particularly hard this time and I was achy, moody and tired. The first day was the heaviest it ever was. It was hard to keep up and I didn’t once.

Another cycle...I am so tired...

Lara is in her last two days of school. Today is the end of the year party. I had signed up in the beginning of the year to make cup cakes and so I did. I made butterfly ones. I got the idea from the internet which turned out to be Martha Stewart. I tried so hard to get them right last night but they didn’t do what Martha got hers to do. That woman is just pure evil to be able to make the wings go up. Mine flopped. Today we have a meeting with the teacher and principal. They want us to agree to leave her behind which Greg now wants to do. I want to wait for the neurologist report in July to make that decision, as it could be medical. He test scores show she is right on target academically. It is just hard to keep her on task and not to slip into her own world. I showed my brother the reports and the thing I dreaded came up. He wants the neurologist to see if she fits on the spectrum as he thinks she could be higher functioning Asperger's. I have been thinking about autism and so I'm not 100% shocked. The school is leaning towards ADHD, but I am not. I am not also a biggy on meds and so if she gets that we will try non medication help. Does that make sense?

Anthony last Thursday swallowed a penny. I wrote it on the main board. He had an x-ray that day and again on Wednesday this week. The penny moved from his stomach to just before his large intestines. I thought I saw a notch in the side, but that was not confirmed by the tech. The doctor insists it will pass soon. I am so worried though.

Greg throughout this of coarse has been obsessing with his stupid lawn! His leaf blower got eaten by mice this winter and so he got a new one. Top of the line and very expensive, go figure! Anyway he is itching to use it so there goes the weekend. He has been good at times but mostly he is not helping much. If I am too tired to do something it doesn’t get done. At one point I had three days of dishes in the sink! He really ticks me off sometimes!

I am just really tired now. I also have picked up a cold because my immunity is down. So with the EBV, a cold, and my period all I want to do is go to bed and sleep. I just can’t though so I try to stay awake doing graphics. I am no longer trying to sell the blinkies at the other site as no one asked for them in a long time. When I posted that I was going they seemed a bit ticked at me. I was shocked anyone actually read the post as there was nothing for over two months. Any way I thought I would be able to see the whole site but I only got rights to see the blinkie request page. I am just too tired now to keep on looking and so left. Do you think that was rude? They seem to. Anyway I got to go. Lots of laundry to do as it is Friday.

I just can't take it anymore...

I had some blood work done last week at the OB/GYN, as my regular doctor could not find out why I am tired all the time. Well the OB/GYN tested my blood and came up with Epstein - Barr virus in my blood at a significant level to show it is “active”. I am going back on Tuesday to test again to see if the levels go up or down so we know if I am at the front end of this or the tail end. When I asked if this would cause me not to get pregnant she said that it would while I am active. That even if an egg got fertilized that my body would reject it. So it looks like nothing I can do will make a baby until I am out of this mess. I was told all I can do is eat right, get plenty of sleep and try to avoid stress. The last part is just not happening. My DD’s having problems in school, and has frequent infections that we are treating, eating disorder, etc. My DS although normally OK swallowed a penny yesterday and so I am stressed if that will come out in time or will they have to remove it. Apparently when I gave him the shinny penny it was the worse thing I could have done, as the newer pennies are only copper clad and so when gets eroded exposes zinc underneath which can cause ulcers. So that thing has to get out by today or tomorrow. If by Monday no penny we have to have him X-rayed again to see how far it traveled. So I am under stress that I am not dealing with very well. Anyone else have this? I read that 95% of adults have a presence of this and it only becomes an issue when it flares up. So I am thinking someone else has had to have this here.

It is what happens after one has Mono which is traditionally the “kissing disease”, but if one gets it in child hood they usually have no symptoms like you do as a teenager or adult and so never know they have it. I think I must have gotten it as a child as I never was diagnosed with Mono, and I haven’t had that many boyfriends to get Mono. I just didn’t have that much fun.

In The Two Week Wait...

Lara is slightly better at school. She has gotten two clovers (did all of her work at school) twice this week so we gave her treats. The first time we went out to an ice cream place that has really good ice cream and phenomenal whipped cream. I was happy to go. I was starting to get like that commercial with the woman watching her grandchildren and if they were good they would go out for ice cream and she says they were darlings as the oven blows up. She had her school birthday n Wednesday. I made cupcakes and sent them with Hershey's drink and lolly pops. She loved it. I did cheat on the cup cakes though and bought frosting. For decoration I dipped them in sprinkles. I was going to make fancy butterflies but I was too tired to do that. Lucky I had bought the sprinkles in case my fire blew out too early to complete the projected idea. We are almost done with the meds. We are in the final round. She has had a lot of accidents though with BM and so we are concerned about that.

Anthony is well and proud of his stickers from, peeing in the toilet. He has yet to do the other but I am sure he will in time. I have a feeling when he goes Lara will stop her problems. He is working on his alphabet and putting simple words together. I platy with him on a small magna doodle and write things like “at” then add letter to make words like “b” to make “bat”. He is proud when he can read the word.

Gregory is OK. Trying to get his father day presents which is hard as he is difficult to shop for and his birthday was just on may 12th. Things in the house are falling apart all at once. The leaf blower is shot and so we need a new one. Out TV will cost a minimum of $300 to fix so it makes more sense to buy a new one. I have convinced Greg to open it up and give it a go. He used to work on CRT’s and so knows his way around one and how to not get electrocuted while working on it. The tube works as a capasitator and so always carries a significant charge. So if you do not know what you are doing you could electrocute yourself even though the set is unplugged. It is sufficient amapage to die from so this is not a job for a weekend warrior. He does know about this stuff so I am sure he will be fine. He worked on them for years. Our oven is also broken which I found out when baking cup cakes for Lara’s school party. Had to actually bake them across the street as I had the mixed and in the cups. His cousins are having a part tomorrow but we aren’t sure if we are invited or if the children can go.

I am so tired as of late. No blood results from the OB/GYN as of yet. They have to talk to you directly and so will not leave a message. Aggravating. I just hope I don’t get another low iron thing as I already took 36 mg and now added an additional 28 a day so if that is it something is wrong with me. I am just so tired at 5 PM all I want to do is go to bed. Heck right now I want a nap. I guess the stress of being surrounded by a lot of broken things and no money to fix them is getting to me. If Greg’s company didn’t pay for the internet I would have to drop that. Right now I am grateful I can still get online.

In the Two Week Wait...Again!...

Anthony is enjoying going to the potty. I have to remember to put him in pull ups when we go out so he can go to the bathroom. It is hard as we have messed up and put him in a diaper and then he gets mad he can’t go to the bathroom. We haven’t done our letters for a while sand so have to start that again. I was proud of him the other day. A boy from Lara’s class was being mean to her. She wanted to hold the boy’s younger brother’s hand. The two are becoming good friends. Well the older boy kept on pushing her away saying his brother was his. So Anthony tried to break them apart saying to leave his sister alone. I was there as was the boy’s mom. We get along very well and so no conflict there. I told the boy he should be nicer to girls that good boys don’t hit girls (sexist I know but I am what I am. I still think most boy get to be bigger than most girls). I also said for him to be nicer to little boys that are big for their age as they will be bigger than him in no time. The whole time his mom agreed with me so I didn’t step out of line. I was just so proud of my boy to look out for his sister even when it was a bigger boy.

Lara is OK. The tests I think are over and the meeting is set for the 16th. Her school work is awful, as she doesn’t do anything all day long. The teacher is tired at this point of constantly trying to get her to move so sometimes lets her be. I know the feeling. It is like you prod and prod and all she does is move a millimeter. It is very exhausting.

Greg is OK but totally into his lawn. Today he is going to get his leaf blower fixed. Big thrill there. He is actually getting worse about doing things. If I don’t do something it doesn’t get done at all. Then he talks to himself and I think he wants me to do something, but no he is just talking to himself. Ugh he is aggravating sometimes. I get up later than he did today. The children were up earlier with him. So does he feed them? Give them a cup of OJ? No he just gets showered and ready fir the day then when I get up tells nee I have to feed them, as they are so hungry! WTF!

I am glad I have ovulated, as I don’t have to stay up until two in the morning anymore to wait for him to fill that darn cup. I get so tired of that it really is a big head ache. I just don’t know how much more I can do this. Maybe I just have to give up. When I do that will be it because unless he is filling a cup we are not doing anything so it is not like we cab get an “ooops” baby. I am still so tired. I woke up again this Saturday feeling hangover, but I didn’t touch a drop last night except in the dinner. I made Welsh rarebit and had a half cup of beer in that but I cooked off all the alcohol. I had an OB/GYN appointment on Thursday. I had a PAP as well as blood drawn. So hopefully I will find out what is wrong this week

Potty training in earnest...

Well today I am going all out to get Anthony on the pot. I called today "no more diaper day!". So he is in his Spiderman big boy underwear. I have three of these, and three Thomas The Tank undies. Almost as soon as the first pair was on he wet them so only five more to go. I figure at that point I will put on a pull up and try again tomorrow. I am sitting him on the pot every half hour on hopes to catch it, and telling him to try. I have an egg timer alarm that I set at 309 minutes. He knows if he goes in the pot he gets a sticker on a chart which he desperately wants.

Well at 11:33 AM EST USA he peed in the toilet! The alarm went off and I sat him there even though he said he didn't have to go. I turned on the water and he peed. He beamed with joy! We washed his hands and he picked out a sparkly sticker to put on his chart! I have a small one that I made on my computer and printed on plain paper. He was so proud of himself! Now of coarse he has gone three more times that are shaky at best, but I give him a sticker anyway and lots of praises. I think I have created a potty monster!

Oh well at least he is on the right track! The alarm went off and I have to go…

Getting tired...

I am hoping that Lara’s improvement last week in school carries over to this week as well. Not sure what to make of any of this. I gave my history on Friday where I told them I was dyslexic which I didn’t want to do. They asked me though if anyone in my family was learning disabled so I felt I had no choice at that point. I was told that it was kept to the team and that neither the principal nor teacher reads any of it or learn of it so I guess that is OK. Of coarse Greg said he had no history of it at all. That is because he can’t remember s**t. His sister from time to time says she is dyslexic even though she has never been diagnosed as well as ADD. I doubt it is true so I didn’t say anything. Personally I just think they are a group of over sensitive people. The slightest thing bothers them.

Anthony is doing well but a bit off that he was left out last week and on Sunday. I was getting dressed to go to church on Sunday and he cried he didn’t want to go. At the same time Greg complained too that he had to do yard work. So I said I would go alone. Well Lara wanted to go so I said I would take her only. Everyone seemed happy with this until I was going. Then Anthony had a fit that he was staying at home. His three year old was really showing then!

Greg was definitely a bad boy that day. He told me that I don’t understand why he has to work every weekend on the lawn. As if that is a complex idea that is out of my comprehension. He said that since I am always on a weekend I don’t understand how his is only two days and not seven days like mine!!!! He said my parents and I are always on a weekend!!!!! Ugh I wanted to smack him in the face. That is when I said I would go to church alone. I went on about laundry, etc that I do. He said I could do the yard work during the week! I said and what will you get in return? How about the laundry that magically gets clean and put away. Ugh he had no response. He was definitely letting his SLBS (spoiled little boy syndrome) shine that day!

I am still not ovulated as of yet so I will torture Greg to fill more cups. Heck the way I am feeling now I might make him fill a few after I ovulated just to make him crazy, as he hates to do that. That weekend thing really has me ticked. We have a party on his fathers side of the family that are invitation got lost to. Now that we know we are invited though we only have two weeks to get a baby sitter and everyone is busy so it looks like we will not go or Greg will go with his dad and Sister. Too bad as I get along with that side and wanted to go.