Still sick...

I am not feeling well at all and mostly stay in bed. I don’t want to go anywhere when ill. We did manage to get out for fun on Saturday. We went to New York City to see Santa at my FIL’s old firehouse. I thought we were just going to see Santa, stay awhile and go. There was more to it though and so was an entire party with toms of food, a hired carriage that took us around the block for free. It was hired by the fire house for three hours so all could take a ride, and was defiantly used. Greg had never been on a carriage so it was special for him. This was more of a cart than a carriage and was very fun. They also had a choir and a magician that was entertaining. The children had al lot of fun. Also my FIL was just grinning from ear to ear. I have never seen him so happy before. Usually it is hard to say what he is feeling and Greg has to translate to me, but I knew how much fun he was having. Also he grew up in the neighborhood and pointed out where he lived as a child (building gone though) and when he was first married (building still there). We were supposed to go to my brothers after but it ended later than we thought and the roads were so bad we skipped that party. Also my brother said it was going to break up before we got there so we just went home. Probably better in the long run with the bad roads.

Sunday we stayed at home as the storm made driving bad. I just will not go out with the children when the roads are bad. Nothing is worth it. We can make do with what we have here, and I know god does not want us to risk our children’s future to go to mass. I worked with Developmentally Disabled adults that became that way after a car accident as a small child, so I know first hand what can go wrong. Sad thing is they also knew they were normal before the accidents and are angry that it happened. So I stay at home in bad weather.

Lara once again put up a fuss about going to school today. She only has a full day today and a half day tomorrow, but she doesn’t even want to do that. Her behavior is getting worse. She now even poops in her pants on the weekend whether she is in a pull up or underwear. She has a lot more baby noises now too. All of this just points to Asperger’s to me as I dealt with that when I worked with the developmentally disabled adults. I just don’t know what to do. On one hand I do not want to baby her, but on the other I do not want to be too hard on her either. I have to walk a fine line.

Anthony is doing well. He is building all kinds of elaborate roads and buildings with his Lego’s. He made a building yesterday that looks like the Empire State building. We have seen Elf a few times this past week and so I think he got it from the movie. I was impressed of how well he did it. He was playing on a piano on Saturday at the party and sounding fairly well. He might have a knack for music and so I will take down my old organ and let him at it. We try not to praise him too much as Lara gets jealous.

Greg is OK. He was good this weekend and kept the children busy while I got thing done such as wrapping the presents. He also had to do all the shoveling, as I am ill. Usually I do that but not now that I am ill. My midriff really hurts now and my chest is as well. I do not want t see the doctor until after Christmas though. We have an appointment with the Pulmonologist on the thirtieth so I think I can hold off until then. No TTCing this cycle as I ma just too ill. I didn’t even bother to record the EWCM or anything. My finger is also hurting me. I poked it with a needle while mending pants on Friday and now I have this painful bubble on the tip. It hurts all the time and especially when I tough things with it. Not sure what it is, but it sure does hurt.

Sick and tired....

We are all sick here except Lara. Anthony and I have it the worse. I feel so bad today I just didn’t want to get up. Anthony was up in the middle of the night crying for me. We got him in bed with us and he was so hot. We gave him Motrin which seemed to make him feel better as he fell asleep. He mumbled as he did though saying all kinds of strange things.

The Sarcoidosis is bothering me, as my mid drift is hurting. I am also hoping that the cough I have is from the cold and not the Sarcoidosis. Lara once again put up a fuss about going to school so I am hoping she has a good day despite that. I am just so tired and have so much to do I can’t focus on anything. Anthony is keeping me on my toes today!

Preparing for Christmas...

The Christmas photo was taken Tuesday night. I gave the children an early dinner so we could get there fast. Didn’t really help as everyone including Greg dragged their feet in getting dressed to go. Greg had to change from his work clothes and dawdled at it, and the other two children were equally as slow. We did eventually get there. Then Lara shocked us as she started to cling to me and say she was shy. When it was our turn she cried! It took some time to get her to go on Santa’s lap. Anthony was fine the whole time and tried to make Lara feel better. I just don’t get it. She had already sat on Santa’s lap twice this year when we were at the mall. Both times she was happy and telling Santa what she wanted. This time when she was all dressed up she cried. Go figure. She is having problems at school.

We had a conference on Tuesday in the morning. There was the teacher, her special Ed teacher, the gym teacher, the nurse and the psychologist. They are concerned about Lara not staying with the group. She wanders away and does her own thing. She has also wet her pants six times this school year. Also when she does make it to the bathroom she takes a long time and can not button her pants. I can’t get pull up pants, as she is so thin they won’t stay up. I have to get jeans with the inner belt in a regular size so that they are baggy on her. That way the inner belt holds up the pants and she can just pull them up. She is going to start occupational therapy soon so I am hoping she will improve. She also won’t wipe herself after having a BM and this has become a real problem. I just do not know what to do with her. I just know all of this has to do with the Asperger’s that the neurologist talked about with us as a possibility. I think she has it.

Anthony is OK but refuses to go on the pot. What is it with my children and diapers? Why do they love them so? Occasionally Anthony will go on the pot but mostly he says after he has gone that he has gone. I am getting slower and slower on the changing’s as he does not like to be wet or dirty. Maybe that will help him. I do not want to go through the problems with him like I am with his sister. On the positive side he is building more and more complex structures. He loves to build. He also loves to watch the Leap frog DVD’s and is learning a lot from them.

Greg is the same. Always tired always falling asleep on the couch and not going to bed until just before he is supposed to wake up. I am still getting cramps. They were bad this morning but I managed to drive Lara to school. My mid drift is hurting as well, but my eye is still OK. I am getting more pain in my chest though. Again school is a half day and a cold rainy day as well so I am not going out except to get Lara. I do not like driving in the rain. The drivers here are bad enough on dry roads but in the rain they get worse. It just isn’t worth it to go out for anything. It can just wait until we can all be safe.

And so it goes...

I am still getting the cramps in the morning, but they do not last throughout the day like they used to so I guess I am getting better. I am getting a cold so my throat is sore and I am all stuffy in my head. I have been dealing with all this other stuff I forgot that my immune system was down and that I can get a cold easier than most now. Not a good time of year to get sick as I have so much to do.
So as far as I am going my cramps are here, I get cramps in my legs at night, my mid drift is starting to hurt again, and I am getting a cold. I am positive if I were a horse I would have been shot by now.
Lara has half days this week so the teachers can have conferences. So that means less time to shop, as I can not take the two of them solo. They are just too much in the stores so I have to wait until she goes to full days again next week or go at night with Greg. Anthony is doing well. He got a haircut on Sunday from our friend who is a hair stylist. He cut it like one of the boys in “High School Musical” as he said it was the style all the boys want now. He looks cute in it. Gregory is the same. No change with him. I really doubt he will ever wake up on time in the morning so I will forever be rushed. We should start trying again but I am so tired.

Will it end?...

The pain continued through the rest of last week and on the weekend as well. Sunday I was in pain and Greg woke up too late for us to both get ready for church so he took Lara solo. Later on Anthony got a hair cut. Lara goy jealous so our friend gave her a trim as well. He is nice and gives us a discount, as he knows money is tight for us. I told him about my Sarcoidosis, as it had been a while since we had talked and I find it awkward to talk about. KWIM? Saturday was the last dosage and I am still getting some pain but it is tapering off. The doctor in NYC had told me to taper off to 5 milligrams and then keep at that until my appointment in January. I had no intentions though of doing that when he told me and after I got the pain I knew I wasn’t doing that. I wouldn’t go through Christmas with all that pain.

Lara is having problems in school and hates to go. Every day she asks if she has to go to school. If she does she screams that she hates it. We get a break on Saturday and Sunday as there is no school Saturday and she loves CCD on Sunday. Anthony is growing by the minute and is such a good boy when I am sick. He snuggles with me in bed when I can’t get up. I manage to get him his meal s though and do some things like laundry on the good days. I am hoping the pain goes away now that I stopped the medication.

Greg just gets on my nerves now. His memory is awful and I just don’t know if he cares. I always have to remind him that my stomach is hurting in the AM. We are constantly out of things because he refuses to write down on this list when he uses the last of something. He also refuses to get help for his problem. His solution is for is to go out for dinner and a movie! As if that can fix all of our problems. He keeps on saying money is tight and we can’t buy gifts so where would we get money for dinner and a movie? How could that possibly help us? I just do not get him sometimes! I am at CD 10 and so should start getting that cup filled again.

Yet more pain...

These pills are really not good for me. Yesterday the Colitis was so bad I stayed in bed most of the day. I am grateful that my FIL was able to drive Lara to school, as I was a mess. I stayed in bed most of the day with Anthony snuggling with me. He is a good boy when I am sick and stays near me. Later on I was able to get up and then was able to drive Lara home, but I went to bed as soon as I got home. The children played in the living room then. When Greg got home I was still in bed. He just doesn’t get how much pain it is. He wanted to know what was for dinner! I mean WTF I am in bed all day with pain and he thinks I am cooking dinner? So he ordered a pizza, but then is upset when I tell him I am not eating. Again with abdominal pain eating is just something you don’t want to do. The only thing I can describe it as is in later labor when you are about 10 cm and wanting to push. While it is true I ate in early labor, by then I just wasn’t eating anything. But I actually did manage to have a slice as he made an issue out of it and then my children wanted me to eat as well. Then I went right to bed. So the children did not go to bed at their bed time. They all fell asleep on the couch. Greg had managed to put them in their PJ’s. I woke up to Anthony crying so I took him in bed with me. Later on I heard Lara crying and Greg took care of her. He woke up an hour late today so it was a hectic morning. I still have pain today but I can manage it. It is more like early labor when you first get the contractions. They come in waves far apart. Laundry is calling me.

Pain...

Every morning now I get intense abdominal pain. I think the steroids are now affecting my colitis. That hasn’t reared its ugly head in years and I was hoping it never would. It has however and so I am really anxious to stop the steroids. I am only doing one week of the 5 milligrams and then stopping. If the doctors think I am taking 5 milligrams forever than they just don’t know me at all. Which they don’t but soon they will. I am not taking ling term meds. I just can’t take the pain that long.