Out of the smoke and into the fire....

Lara has an appointment for a neurologist in July. That was the earliest we could get one. I just feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel that I can barely see but just seeing that much is a blessing. KWIM?

Anthony is OK. He had a fight with his sister last night and she bit him! It was a deep purple mark she left behind. She was in a foul mood after school and that was just the final straw. We sent her to bed after that.

Greg and I had a talk today about the pregnancies. I told him it hurt my feeling to not acknowledge our three other babies. I told him I was pregnant but lost them and that they are now angels in heaven. I told him that the pain I feel was no different in any of my losses whether I held the baby or not and that I loved all my children whether on earth or in heaven. So he said he was sorry but I am not sure he gets it 100%. He is dense sometimes. We had this classic conversation a few years back. When Lara was a few months old we were watching TV. We were watching the show “Angel” which was a spin-off of “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”. Anyway this character faith shows up that used to be on the original “Buffy” as another vampire slayer. In Buffy she was very lean and athletic. In Angel which was a few years later she is a bit heavier. So he says, “WOW she looks awful, she is fat, her skin looks bad and her hair is a mess. I bet she had a baby”. I called him a pig ( or maybe cochon which is French for pig) any way so again he is “what ?” is total ignorance of what he just said to his wife after giving birth just a short time before that day! Ugh he didn’t get it at all.

I still have af visiting me. We have a huge ash tree in our back yard that is sick. We are hoping if we take away thee dead growth it will be OK but a tree expert says it will die in two to three years no matter what. We also have a small tree with these strange things growing out of the leaves that I cant figure out what it is bug or fungus or disease. The tree expert is going to find out. He took a sample with him. My blood results came back as normal with just a low but within normal range for iron. Doctor says exercise would probably make me feel better. He is right about that. I wish I could just get a brisk walk very day.