The Hospital...

The hospital went pretty much as expected. Lara was a mess when they attached the wires for her 48 hour EEG. They had to use glue to attach the wires so they would not fall off during the test. The glue had a strong odor and Lara hated it. That compacted with her being in a hospital and lying on an examination table just made her have a melt down. She screamed and cried the whole time that was being done and was begging me to make it stop. It was very hard for us to go through this time. Later on she settled down a bit at her room. Her appetite was awful and barely ate anything. I ordered things like pizza for her and she even refused that. The pizza was actually good as I think it was from a pizza place and not those institutional square pieces of cardboard that you usually get in an institution. My meals were messed up, as I was a “Vegetarian Diet”. The kitchen staff edited everything I ordered to a “diet” meaning weight loss. So when I asked for whole milk I got 1%. When I asked for cake I got fruit, my coffee became tea. Every time I would have to get the kitchen person to switch it back again so I always got my food later than Lara. This actually gave me time to try to get her to eat. Her sense of time went away while wee were there. I would ask her two hours after her meal arrived if she was hungry and she would yell that she told me already that she was not hungry as if I had just asked her when in fact it was two hours since I said anything. She also stayed up until 2 AM the first night and 1 AM the next with no naps during the day! So basically she didn’t eat or sleep while there. She also threw a few fits and hated the toys I brought for her. The only thing she liked was the coloring book and the box of 120 different colored crayons. She had a few “events” that were recorded so hopefully the doctor will give us details soon on what that was about. Greg visited a couple of times with Anthony as Lara had talked to him on the phone and asked for him to come over. They had never been apart since his birth and so I think they missed each other. Of coarse when together they fought and so I took Anthony to the playroom while her dad stayed with her. I found a computer in the playroom and so was able to go online for a few minutes. She also fought with her dad even though before his arrival she cried about him not being there. She loved the balloons he brought her and made her feel special. When they took off the wires she was again screaming and crying from the smell. The solvent they used was great at taking off the glue and it was very smooth, but again stinky so she hated it. She was miserable on the way home but Greg had more balloons waiting for her so her mood improved when she got in the house. The whole thing was very emotionally draining on us both. I kept on thinking of the parents of children that are seriously sick. I mean this was only a test and it was hard. How much harder they have it. I prayed for them a lot while I was there.

Greg was off for the rest of the week as it was Lara’s spring break. So I could not go online much. As soon as I sat down he kvetched about me being online “all the time”. We did a couple of fun things such as taking a walk at a local nature center. Mostly though they played in the back yard which is something they love to do so they were happy. While they played in the sand box I read the bible. I am up to Job now. I didn’t get to read it all during Lent like I wanted to, but I think God understands that I am a slow reader and also I am still reading so it is not like I wont finish it at all.

Anthony is a real piece of work. He is maturing so fast. He can now make letters with his Legos and spelled out “FIT” with them. He just does things that seem advanced. His structures are also getting very complex. I think he is going to do well in school.

Greg and I are OK but not getting any closer. He still stays on the computer watching “Lost” reruns. He is up to the current season and soon will watching the show as it is played. He is however now behind in “Desperate Housewives” and so will probably stay up all night watching those reruns. I think he will do just about anything not to go to bed with me. I really can’t blame him. My face is all broken out, my hair is salt and pepper, and I am so fat. I am just a mess. I would rather not go to bed with me either. I just don’t even bother with my looks anymore. I just wear jeans and a sweat shirt with no jewelry of any kind most days. I am just feeling very depressed. My Sarcoidosis is also giving me the usual pain and I am just tired of being in pain all the time. I wish it would go inactive so the pain would go away and my skin would clear up. I had fun doing the show but it closed this past Saturday so back to the ho hum nights again. Only thing about the show is a wish the cast had been more social to the crew. They went out a few times and didn’t invite the crew. I thought that was rude. It was mentioned to them I think and then the last few times they did tell us, but I was sad that they didn’t think of it themselves. When I first joined the cast and crew went out after every show and always had a great time, now the cast is so separate from the crew like we are servants. KWIM?