Not so good...

Things have been negative and so I really don’t like to post about it much. My Pulmonologist eventually called back to just repeat that my lymph nodes were OK. I doubt anyone looked at my lungs. He probably just read the report from the hospital and the hospital probably only looked at my lymph nodes, as that was the problem back in June when I had my first CT scan there. I am in pain pretty much all the time now. A constant dull ache that is sharper in the morning or when it is snowing out. I love the snow because it is so pretty but the pain is not good. I have a couple of MRI’s tonight to look at my optic nerve and the growth to make sure it is gone. Unlike the Pulmonologist the Ophthalmologist wants the actual films so he can see what is wrong. He does not trust the hospital readings as the other one does for a good reason they got it wrong the last time.
We have been going to an adult CCD class a couple of nights a week to try to get closer to God and help our relationship. Greg goes but I am not sure if he is getting anything out of it. They give babysitting while there and the children love playing there so they are having a great time. I just hope it can save the marriage as we are just not doing well and my illness is not helping at all.

Lara continues to have accidents at school. Last Friday she must have changed her pants and not her underwear. She came home with different pants on but the same underwear. Also the pants we sent her in were gone as well as the change of underwear. She told us she couldn’t remember of she changed her pants that day. Now no one can find her clothes anywhere so we are getting a bit miffed at the school for giving us no help.

Anthony is signed up for school next year and I pray we find a way to pay for it. He will be is transitional pre school. This is a set up for children that will be five before December 31, 2009. Kindergarten has a cut off of October 1, 2009 so he misses that by nine days. So for this class he will be one of the older children but not as severe as say pre k 4 that has children turning 4 by October 1, 2009. He will be in school M-F 12:30- 2:45 so if I get a job it can not be while he is in school. It will have to be at night when Greg is at home.

I think My TTC journey is over sad to say. I am not at peace with that but have to face it. Last cycle I had a 22 day cycle! The one before that was 41 days! And the one before that was 23 days! So this cycle will probably be a super long one if I stay on pattern! I am also just cranky all the time as well as tired. Getting out of bed is a challenge that I do not always make. I just can’t deal anymore and have had a couple of drinks which makes Greg mad at me. Also I am having problems with FF and my role here. I feel I do a lot and all I am asking in return is membership. That amounts to anywhere between 10-45 US dollars a year. Apparently this is something they feel my work is not worth. I really feel like I am not asking a lot as it comes to pennies a day for hours of work I do. So I am a bit depressed. With all this snow we have been having Greg has been working at home. With him at home it is hard to go on line ass he nags me that my keyboard is too loud for him. He also wants me to spend more time with Anthony.