Sigh...

I have to go back to the hospital and get the MRI films and deliver them to the city. I have been putting that off for some reason. I am still feeling tired and depressed. Sad to say I had a couple of nights where I drank before going to bed and had too much and pissed off Greg. I felt so bad the next day for not spending the time with the children. I just feel so sick I just wanted to sleep soundly and be pain free.
Lara is showing no signs of improvement with her meds and so Greg wants to up the dosage. He is calling the doctor today. She just can’t concentrate anymore and her habits are getting worse. She has her hand on her mouth 24/7 now. Even when eating she takes a bite and then quickly covers her mouth. As a result her face is all broken out. She is also doing that clapping thing more and more and doing repetitive baby talk. She can’t seem to control any of this. It has been a steady increase so we have ruled out this as a side effect of the meds she is taking.
Anthony is getting clingy and loves spending our time in the day when both Greg and Lara are gone. He gets to watch his DVD’s, play games, shop and just hang out with me. When the weather allows we will go for walks. I think I am going to miss him when he goes to school next year. I will be all alone then. I have never been alone in the house ever.
Greg says he wants to get closer to me but then he stays away. Last night we watched TV on his laptop in our bedroom. It was last week’s episode of “Doll House” so we had to watch it on the computer. Anyway when it was done he went into the living room and watched old episodes of “Lost”. I didn’t wake up when he came back but I just know it was the usual 5 AM. How can we fix things if he can’t even be in the same room with me? This whole thing with “Lost” is a bunch of bunk. He finds a show that is already in say season five and then starts from day one and has to catch up with his lap top in the living room. He is still on season one of “Lost”. He did this in the fall with “Desperate Housewives”. I told him about this today but he denies he is doing it. Needless to say we have no chance in you know what to ever have a baby. Unless it is spontaneous conception which is theoretically possible, but has never been recorded.