It is just a really bad chapter of my life being relived. He was so abusive to me. When I was away at school he came to visit me one weekend that my roommate was gone. Someone said they hoped I wouldn’t get my period and it was at that time I looked at my supplies and realized I had never had one since arriving at school. Sounds stupid I know but the work was so hard I just didn’t think of it. I was getting sick at 5 PM every night. At that point I realized I was pregnant. I was just shy of three months.
When he arrived I told him in the student union thinking it would be OK. That he wouldn’t hit me there, but he did. So I tried to get out and he was following me, yelling and he hit me again. Only this time it was in front of two boys that went to school. I didn’t know them but they did not stand for a boy hitting a girl so they beat Chris up. I managed to break it up but when we got back to my room he accused me of sleeping with the two boys. He just didn’t get small town rules of getting involved when you see a wrong. Anyway he beat me up badly then and there. Most of the hall was away that weekend. The next night I had cramps and went to the bathroom. My beautiful baby came out and I held him/her in my hands. Then (God help me) I flushed my beautiful baby. I was in shock. I should have buried him/her. I hate myself for that and always will. When I told him what happened he said it was for the best and went to sleep. I preyed a bit of placenta stayed so I could bleed out but it just didn’t happen.
I tried drugs and alcohol but that didn’t work. The Wicca community of Lilly dale helped me come to understanding with the soul of my baby. They helped a lot, but I lost a belief in God. It wasn’t until ten years later that I was able to trust a man again, Gregory. Six years we married and I stated my quest to find God. I have found him somewhat but still struggle with this belief daily.
So you see this guy has been gone for twenty six years and I pray he stays gone. I just do not need him in my life. Last I heard he had married my then best friend as they were sleeping together when I was away at school even though we were engaged to be married. He also had a child with her and a girl friend with a child living in the same house. I was told that the girlfriend was posing as a live in nanny, but her child was his as well. This is just like TV drama I know but all true.
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