I am just feeling very down as of late. Not sure if it is because yet another cycle went bust or because of this argument I got into. Maybe both, maybe neither. I am just thinking the “what if's” and I hate it when I do that but I just can’t stop thinking about it. I think what if I wasn’t LD would I have this great career now? Or what if I didn’t meet that jerk when I was younger? Would I be a more secure woman? And artist maybe? Forgot to mention in my earlier history that we were dating during the time I was applying for colleges. Well he didn’t want me to go away and instead wanted me to just stay with him. At the time I was an art major and so was showing my portfolio of all my best work around to colleges. Well he got a hold of it and sprayed it down with his hose and kept it away from me for a while. By the time I got to it, it was covered with mold. Every page from and back had mold. I took that as a “sign” I should not go into art as I thought it was an accident. Years later I found out he had done it on purpose. So what if instead of giving up I had taken a year off and redone all the work? It was too late at that point for that year but I could have tried the following year with new work. Instead I took my “sign” and majored in theatre. What if I majored in technical theatre would I have a great job on Broadway or TV today? Instead I just had a plain “theatre” major.
I just think at this point I am not going to be able to get that third child and that I am just wasting time trying to do so. I also wish I could figure out what job I could do to make myself a productive human being. Not sure if the graphics really makes me very useful. At any rate the site that was going to pay me isn’t and they now owe me for quite a few. Basically there is nothing I can do about it but refuse to make new ones if they ask, but they haven’t, so I am out the money. I can’t post much as I am just such a downer and so many positive things are happening I would not want to take the groups karma down. I just pray I can get out of this somehow.
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Hi Jillie. I'm Kelly (moohaa on ff), you just made a TTC by faith blinkie on FF. I think you have true talent, and always have as you've made several blinkies for me in the past. I'm so sorry about your art, how it was stolen from you. I didn't have anything destroyed but I was told I was nothing long enough I started to believe it. Have you thought of an art book? I recently wrote and self published a book and it's made a nice profit without a lot of effort.
As for ttc, well, you made me a ttc by faith blinkie, so obviously that shows the state of things. I only have one tube and it is blocked. But I still try, every cycle. My last cycle I was SO sure I was pg. But no.
You aren't alone. I sure wish the best for you. Take care.
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