The weekend was not all that great. We really didn’t do anything that was fun. Except Monday when we saw the parade. I am not into parades so nothing there for me but Lara enjoyed it. Anthony was mad because he was looking forward to getting candy as they toss it out during parades here. This year though they didn’t throw it out on our side only the other side of the road and so Anthony was angry. I went to a nearby CVS after and bought him a bag of candy and so he felt slightly better.
Lara was in a funk the whole weekend and no matter what we did she hated it and screamed a lot. We missed church on Sunday, as it was just so tense that no one got ready in time for the noon service.
Greg was off Monday and took off Tuesday to do yard work, but it rained so he stayed in the house all day so no computer time for me.
Lara has been bad this week. Very disagreeable and screaming. Anthony is doing better with his potty and stays in underwear all day. He had a couple of accidents that were not his fault as he got diarrhea. Greg has been into his lawn care again and is all he thinks of night and day. As we drive he points out green lawns, lawns that are great, lawns that are bad and what they need to do, etc. I just don’t want to hear it anymore. I honestly think I should color myself green. Maybe then he would pay attention to me for a change.
This week has been cooler and damp. Today it is raining so I woke up in a lot of pain and nauseous. I hate waking up on days like this, as everything feels bad. It is so hard to get up and Greg just doesn’t understand at all. I can’t talk to him about it, as he doesn’t want to hear it anymore. Times like this I wish I could just walk away and never come back.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tired with a cold...
I have a cold and am run down from it. I am just so tired. Lara is a bit better with her accidents. I haven’t been called to school for over a week to change her. I just hope I haven’t Jones myself by writing that and I get a call today. Anthony is doing better now with the pot. We resorted to bribery we said if he poops in the toilet he gets a sundae. Well he has earned two so far. When he is at home I keep him in underwear. Then when we go out I put a pull up over the underwear. That way if he does wet his pants he feels it, but doesn’t get his pants wet or his car seat. Greg and I are about the same.
Last night I got away fort awhile. They had a taping of the current show at our theater and I got to go solo. So I got some time away from the family. It was nice to do that. I have a cast party this Saturday that I could go to. I am just so fat and my face is broken out I don’t know if I should go. People dress up for these parties and I just feel so stupid even trying to do that. Kind of a silk purse from a sow’s ear kind of thing. Anyway I have to give that some thought. Greg would be home with the children so it would be time alone for me, but I will look so bad.
I have been doing blinkies over at the signature page. Mostly it is good, but some are a bit nervy. I think I am going to slow down a bit with them.
Last night I got away fort awhile. They had a taping of the current show at our theater and I got to go solo. So I got some time away from the family. It was nice to do that. I have a cast party this Saturday that I could go to. I am just so fat and my face is broken out I don’t know if I should go. People dress up for these parties and I just feel so stupid even trying to do that. Kind of a silk purse from a sow’s ear kind of thing. Anyway I have to give that some thought. Greg would be home with the children so it would be time alone for me, but I will look so bad.
I have been doing blinkies over at the signature page. Mostly it is good, but some are a bit nervy. I think I am going to slow down a bit with them.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Did I really HAVE to get married? Couldn't we have lived in sin?...
I am fuming at Gregory and have been since last night. OK so Thursday night I get to watch “Bones” and have a glass of wine. It is my “Mommy alone time”. That means I want to be alone. Is that too much to ask? I used to get to go to choir practice one a week from 7-10 PM. The practice was 40 minutes away and so took time to get there and back. Anyway now all I get is one lousy hour a week. One hour to pretend I actually matter. So last night Lara says only I can get her ready for bed as we both have “female parts” and that “daddy has boy parts”. OK fine, so she takes extra long to eat her dinner. Again fine with me. She finishes finally at 7:30. I was lying down during dinner and Greg was feeding them. Only he doesn’t help her so I have to get up to do that and finish at 7:30. So I give her dessert and she is done by 7:45. I then get her brushed and changed and am done at 7:55. I have five minutes to pour the wine (non-alcohol, as I am sick) and our some gold fish crackers and tune in channel five. Well Lara throws a fit and wants to be with me. I say after the show we can snuggle but I want an hour of “Mommy Time”. Greg picks her up and takes her out of the kitchen. I think to the living room. Well no he takes her to our bedroom to watch “Bones” with me. She will not leave and is screaming. So I let her stay. Then Greg wants to stay too. Mean while Anthony is all alone in the living room and usually if he stay like that eventually he screams he is all alone and then he ends up in the room as well. So then all four of us are in our tiny “Full size” bed (not Queen or King, but full!) to watch the show in what should be my alone time!
So I gave up and went into the living room. Lara screamed until Greg let her come in too. So Greg watched “Bones” all by himself in my “Mommy Time” and fell asleep. He actually doe not like the show as he thinks it is too graphic so why he wanted to watch it I just don’t know. I ended up watching the national geographic channel’s show on the planets. It was very good actually and today Lara was talking to her dada about the volcanoes on Oberon a moon of Uranus, and how it spews water that turns into ice and falls back to the surface. So Lara got a lot out of the show. When the children fell asleep I took them to their beds and slept on the couch. I didn’t feel like going anywhere near Greg at all. He is just so selfish! Why can’t I get mommy time? Heck I can’t even take a pee alone let alone have any time. I always have the children or him. I yelled at him I wanted to be alone and he argued that it was wrong for me to want that. That I have children and should be with them.
This is all from his mom. From the day she had children she did nothing for herself. It was always about the children and her husband. Anything she did for herself she gave up. She just spent her day cleaning, cooking and fussing over them. Never having any alone time. I just can’t do that. I need time to myself.
Later on Anthony had a bad dream and was crying for me and so I pout him in our bed and stayed the rest of the night there. I didn’t want to but the couch is too small for the two of us and I fear he could fall on the floor. It is hardwood over cement so it would hurt a lot to fall on it.
Sorry for the kvetch I just need to get it out. KWIM?
So I gave up and went into the living room. Lara screamed until Greg let her come in too. So Greg watched “Bones” all by himself in my “Mommy Time” and fell asleep. He actually doe not like the show as he thinks it is too graphic so why he wanted to watch it I just don’t know. I ended up watching the national geographic channel’s show on the planets. It was very good actually and today Lara was talking to her dada about the volcanoes on Oberon a moon of Uranus, and how it spews water that turns into ice and falls back to the surface. So Lara got a lot out of the show. When the children fell asleep I took them to their beds and slept on the couch. I didn’t feel like going anywhere near Greg at all. He is just so selfish! Why can’t I get mommy time? Heck I can’t even take a pee alone let alone have any time. I always have the children or him. I yelled at him I wanted to be alone and he argued that it was wrong for me to want that. That I have children and should be with them.
This is all from his mom. From the day she had children she did nothing for herself. It was always about the children and her husband. Anything she did for herself she gave up. She just spent her day cleaning, cooking and fussing over them. Never having any alone time. I just can’t do that. I need time to myself.
Later on Anthony had a bad dream and was crying for me and so I pout him in our bed and stayed the rest of the night there. I didn’t want to but the couch is too small for the two of us and I fear he could fall on the floor. It is hardwood over cement so it would hurt a lot to fall on it.
Sorry for the kvetch I just need to get it out. KWIM?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
That crazy little thing called "life"...
Things have been busy around here. Lara has been very moody and her behavior seems to be getting worse. She screams a lot and fights with her brother all the time. There just doesn’t seem to be peace when she is around. I am sad to type that but it is true. On Mother’s day she fought with her brother the whole day. Nothing was OK with her. Even with something as small as what is on TV if she doesn’t like the show she screams something awful. To listen to it you would think she was being tortured. She scream like that out in public and I am worried that someone will call DYFUS on us one day as she sounds like someone is beating her. Mean while all that is the problem is that we bought something she doesn’t like. It doesn’t even have to be something for her. If I buy something for myself and she doesn’t like it she screams. I just don’t understand this at all. We have never caved to her whims and so why does she think all should go her way?
Anthony is growing by the minute and is very big for his age group. More and more people ask if Lara and Anthony are twins. To look at them they really do look the same age. He is in fact heavier than she is now but a lot of weight. It is hard to pick him up now and no problem with her. He gets jealous when Greg puts her on his shoulders, but he is a bit heavy for that. We can now with some effort but not for long will that go on. He is not looking forward to going to school and says so when ever it is brought up. He can do some simple writing all in capitals. He can spell out three letter words. He also makes blue prints when he wants to build something. He made a rocket out of paper but first he drew all the parts on a sheet of paper and had arrows pointing to where everything was attached to the mail part. I thought that was great.
Greg is the same as always. He just can’t seem to do much with the work around here anymore. All he wants to do is take care of the lawn. He spent all of Saturday fussing with his lawn. It was his first day off in a while and it was a lovely day, but we did nothing as a family as he was fussing with the stupid lawn. Then he expects me to tell him what a wonderful job he did and how happy I am? I don’t think so! He also does not get up in the morning when the alarm goes off so everyone is late as he is the first up. He has to be the first up as he takes over and hour to get ready. I take fifteen minutes. So if I got up first I would have to get up at 5:45 so I am ready by 6 so he can take the hour plus to get ready? That would not make sense to me so he gets up first, only he slugs a bed. Also if I go to bed because I am ill he does too so no matter what I have to get the children ready for bed or it just doesn’t happen. He also stays away from going to bed with me. He is caught up with “Lost” now but still avoids me. I am so jealous of the women who post about how their husbands can’t keep their hands off of them, and how tired they are. I mean I get nothing. I have gotten nothing for years now. I do not have a husband I have a room mate that picks up the bills. It sucks.
I keep thinking about the first trial that was ever put on in the continental US. It was at Plymouth Rock. A married woman and a single man had been caught cheating. They were put on trial. At the end the single man was whipped for tempting the married woman. The married woman was whipped for cheating on her husband. The husband was whipped for performing his husbandly duty so badly that his wife had the desire to look for comfort in other men. So even the Puritans recognized sex as an important part of a marital relationship. So why cant my modern husband see it. Heck even Freud said the tree things we needed to survive is food, shelter and sex. In that order or we would die. So if Freud is right I am dead.
I am not feeling very well at all which is why this update is so late. It has been rainy off and on around here so my Sarcoidosis is acting up something awful. I am also depressed from al this weather. It is cold and rainy again today. I also have a cold so even on the sunny days I can not go out.
On Mother’s Day the day started off nicely. I had some nice gifts given such as “House” season’s 3 & 4, and a pair of silver earrings. Lara gave me a toy shovel set, a toy water can, some bath boats and a sprinkler to play in. Her heart was in the right place, as she loves all of them! Then we went to church where the children were awful. They went under the pews, laid on the pews and in general were very loud. Of coarse that day they were begging for donations to sponsor children in poor countries so the service was extra long. After we went to the florist to get flowers for Greg’s mom’s grave. Then we went up there to visit her. The children fought the entire trip there and back. We were going to go to a diner but the wait was long and we were rushing to my parents. A brother had called that week to say we were all meeting at 1 PM so we could have an early dinner. He wanted that as his family gets up so early on a weekday and they are an hour from my mom’s house. Anyway we didn’t eat out so we went home and bought some bagels. Again the children were fighting. It was so bad I just lost my appetite, so I didn’t eat. Lara screamed all the time at home. She didn’t like the bagel, the TV show, etc. By the time everything settled down and we got to my mom’s it was 3 PM. No one was there! I was two hours late and the first arrival. I called the brother who set it up and his wife told me that 1 PM was just too early and that they would come when they could make it! I mean what the heck! I rushed to make the time and they took their sweet time. Never again will I fall for that. Next time we will just do as we please and then let them wait.
This past Tuesday was Greg’s’ birthday. He worked from home, but spent most of the time in the backyard working on his lawn. He set up reservations for 5 PM and was barely done in time. I had to get the children ready. I gave him some DVD’s (Lost season 1 and an X Man one), some grapefruit candy, a CD of Diana Cral, and a hair dryer. After dinner we had a cake I made for him. His dad gave him a check and his sister gave him a DVD of “Pink”. He has to play that at work, as I can’t stand her. The whole “nah, nah, na nah nah” song makes me sick.
Now today it is rainy and cold and I feel awful. I just want to go to sleep but I have to take care of Anthony and then get Lara later on. Hopefully I can catch a nap today.
Anthony is growing by the minute and is very big for his age group. More and more people ask if Lara and Anthony are twins. To look at them they really do look the same age. He is in fact heavier than she is now but a lot of weight. It is hard to pick him up now and no problem with her. He gets jealous when Greg puts her on his shoulders, but he is a bit heavy for that. We can now with some effort but not for long will that go on. He is not looking forward to going to school and says so when ever it is brought up. He can do some simple writing all in capitals. He can spell out three letter words. He also makes blue prints when he wants to build something. He made a rocket out of paper but first he drew all the parts on a sheet of paper and had arrows pointing to where everything was attached to the mail part. I thought that was great.
Greg is the same as always. He just can’t seem to do much with the work around here anymore. All he wants to do is take care of the lawn. He spent all of Saturday fussing with his lawn. It was his first day off in a while and it was a lovely day, but we did nothing as a family as he was fussing with the stupid lawn. Then he expects me to tell him what a wonderful job he did and how happy I am? I don’t think so! He also does not get up in the morning when the alarm goes off so everyone is late as he is the first up. He has to be the first up as he takes over and hour to get ready. I take fifteen minutes. So if I got up first I would have to get up at 5:45 so I am ready by 6 so he can take the hour plus to get ready? That would not make sense to me so he gets up first, only he slugs a bed. Also if I go to bed because I am ill he does too so no matter what I have to get the children ready for bed or it just doesn’t happen. He also stays away from going to bed with me. He is caught up with “Lost” now but still avoids me. I am so jealous of the women who post about how their husbands can’t keep their hands off of them, and how tired they are. I mean I get nothing. I have gotten nothing for years now. I do not have a husband I have a room mate that picks up the bills. It sucks.
I keep thinking about the first trial that was ever put on in the continental US. It was at Plymouth Rock. A married woman and a single man had been caught cheating. They were put on trial. At the end the single man was whipped for tempting the married woman. The married woman was whipped for cheating on her husband. The husband was whipped for performing his husbandly duty so badly that his wife had the desire to look for comfort in other men. So even the Puritans recognized sex as an important part of a marital relationship. So why cant my modern husband see it. Heck even Freud said the tree things we needed to survive is food, shelter and sex. In that order or we would die. So if Freud is right I am dead.
I am not feeling very well at all which is why this update is so late. It has been rainy off and on around here so my Sarcoidosis is acting up something awful. I am also depressed from al this weather. It is cold and rainy again today. I also have a cold so even on the sunny days I can not go out.
On Mother’s Day the day started off nicely. I had some nice gifts given such as “House” season’s 3 & 4, and a pair of silver earrings. Lara gave me a toy shovel set, a toy water can, some bath boats and a sprinkler to play in. Her heart was in the right place, as she loves all of them! Then we went to church where the children were awful. They went under the pews, laid on the pews and in general were very loud. Of coarse that day they were begging for donations to sponsor children in poor countries so the service was extra long. After we went to the florist to get flowers for Greg’s mom’s grave. Then we went up there to visit her. The children fought the entire trip there and back. We were going to go to a diner but the wait was long and we were rushing to my parents. A brother had called that week to say we were all meeting at 1 PM so we could have an early dinner. He wanted that as his family gets up so early on a weekday and they are an hour from my mom’s house. Anyway we didn’t eat out so we went home and bought some bagels. Again the children were fighting. It was so bad I just lost my appetite, so I didn’t eat. Lara screamed all the time at home. She didn’t like the bagel, the TV show, etc. By the time everything settled down and we got to my mom’s it was 3 PM. No one was there! I was two hours late and the first arrival. I called the brother who set it up and his wife told me that 1 PM was just too early and that they would come when they could make it! I mean what the heck! I rushed to make the time and they took their sweet time. Never again will I fall for that. Next time we will just do as we please and then let them wait.
This past Tuesday was Greg’s’ birthday. He worked from home, but spent most of the time in the backyard working on his lawn. He set up reservations for 5 PM and was barely done in time. I had to get the children ready. I gave him some DVD’s (Lost season 1 and an X Man one), some grapefruit candy, a CD of Diana Cral, and a hair dryer. After dinner we had a cake I made for him. His dad gave him a check and his sister gave him a DVD of “Pink”. He has to play that at work, as I can’t stand her. The whole “nah, nah, na nah nah” song makes me sick.
Now today it is rainy and cold and I feel awful. I just want to go to sleep but I have to take care of Anthony and then get Lara later on. Hopefully I can catch a nap today.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Not doing great...
Lara had a bad week last week as far as having accidents at school. She had three BM’s and one wet pants. We just o not know what to do. We took her to the doctors on Friday and he suggested we give her a mild laxative to see if she could control herself that way. That maybe she was having pain when going and so was putting it off. Apparently some children do this. At any rate the other children are asking us why she keeps on pooping in her pants. So the problem is a social one as well. She is also more spacey than usual. It is hard to get her attention and keep it. She also mutters to herself. All in all I am just worried about her.
Anthony is the polar opposite of his sister. He is developing right on track although he says he does not want to go to school next year. I think he will be just fine one he gets there. I think he has a great vocabulary but maybe it is just me. The other day we were putting on the news. Both the children wanted to watch Spongebob instead. So I told them we would watch the news first and then Spongebob as there were a few times the show would be played in a row. Lara screamed, but Anthony said, “Lara we are compromising so every one is happy”. I thought it was great that at four he knows the word and how to use it correctly. He is also writing small words with his Magna Doodle and when we give him paper and crayons. So I think he will be fine in school.
Greg has been more standoffish than usual and at this point I find it hard to even care about that. He was upset on Friday because I forgot the school was having a plant sale for mother’s day. We got a notice home that he saw but he forgot and I was supposed to remember. I think he should remember that kind of things. First of all isn’t the holiday for me? So why should I shop for myself? Second, and a biggy is even though I am female I actually do not like plants. I do not like gardening or anything to do with plants so why would I buy myself a gift I do not like? I ended up giving him cash at the school so Lara could buy me a plant. She was so proud and cute when she gave it.
My Sarcoidosis is acting up and causing pain as usual, but with the recent colder weather and rain it is more than usual. I think anytime the weather has precipitation it gets worse. When it snowed this past winter it hurt more, and now in the rain it hurts more too. I am just tired of being sick all the time. I am getting really down and it is hard for me to do much of anything. I just can’t seem to care. The house is a mess and I just don’t have the energy or desire to clean it.
We lost the baby birds this weekend as well so I am really sad about that. Greg went to look in on them Sunday morning and the nest was empty. Then he saw them all on the ground. They had died there sometime between when we had seen them the night before and the morning. There were three of them scattered around. They were so small and cute. I cried when I found them. The children were very sad as well. Greg had seen a third bird fighting with two birds earlier that day so we are not sure if a bird was involved. I do know that I found the collar of a cat that lives two doors down right by a baby bird so I am thinking it was the cat. We are not 100% sure though. I have to return the color as it has the cats ID tag and proof of rabies shots. I put the babies in a jewelry box and buried them in the back. I just couldn’t leave them there. Anthony was sad but is over it now. Lara is having a hard time and was saying she was scared to be alone last night. She was afraid the cat would come after her. We tried to tell her she is bigger than the cat, but she wouldn’t listen. I hope she gets over it today at school.
Today is a cold, rainy, miserable day here. I have to do the laundry and go grocery shopping later on.
Anthony is the polar opposite of his sister. He is developing right on track although he says he does not want to go to school next year. I think he will be just fine one he gets there. I think he has a great vocabulary but maybe it is just me. The other day we were putting on the news. Both the children wanted to watch Spongebob instead. So I told them we would watch the news first and then Spongebob as there were a few times the show would be played in a row. Lara screamed, but Anthony said, “Lara we are compromising so every one is happy”. I thought it was great that at four he knows the word and how to use it correctly. He is also writing small words with his Magna Doodle and when we give him paper and crayons. So I think he will be fine in school.
Greg has been more standoffish than usual and at this point I find it hard to even care about that. He was upset on Friday because I forgot the school was having a plant sale for mother’s day. We got a notice home that he saw but he forgot and I was supposed to remember. I think he should remember that kind of things. First of all isn’t the holiday for me? So why should I shop for myself? Second, and a biggy is even though I am female I actually do not like plants. I do not like gardening or anything to do with plants so why would I buy myself a gift I do not like? I ended up giving him cash at the school so Lara could buy me a plant. She was so proud and cute when she gave it.
My Sarcoidosis is acting up and causing pain as usual, but with the recent colder weather and rain it is more than usual. I think anytime the weather has precipitation it gets worse. When it snowed this past winter it hurt more, and now in the rain it hurts more too. I am just tired of being sick all the time. I am getting really down and it is hard for me to do much of anything. I just can’t seem to care. The house is a mess and I just don’t have the energy or desire to clean it.
We lost the baby birds this weekend as well so I am really sad about that. Greg went to look in on them Sunday morning and the nest was empty. Then he saw them all on the ground. They had died there sometime between when we had seen them the night before and the morning. There were three of them scattered around. They were so small and cute. I cried when I found them. The children were very sad as well. Greg had seen a third bird fighting with two birds earlier that day so we are not sure if a bird was involved. I do know that I found the collar of a cat that lives two doors down right by a baby bird so I am thinking it was the cat. We are not 100% sure though. I have to return the color as it has the cats ID tag and proof of rabies shots. I put the babies in a jewelry box and buried them in the back. I just couldn’t leave them there. Anthony was sad but is over it now. Lara is having a hard time and was saying she was scared to be alone last night. She was afraid the cat would come after her. We tried to tell her she is bigger than the cat, but she wouldn’t listen. I hope she gets over it today at school.
Today is a cold, rainy, miserable day here. I have to do the laundry and go grocery shopping later on.
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